While they’re at it.

Our fantastic world leaders are at the G8 summit this week. They’ve decided to pass legislation to limit Global Temperature Rise to a maximum of 2 Degrees Centigrade.

 

Fantastic.

 

While they’re at it, why didn’t they pass legislation to limit the number of Earthquakes in Italy next year to 1, the number of Hurricanes to hit the US of A to zero and the number of Tsunami’s to hit South East Asia to a maximum of 3? In fact, I don’t much fancy the planet being hit by an asteroid either so if you stick that in the small print as well then that would be smashing.

 

Thanks guys, keep up the good work.

Can I just point out.....

I predicted this....

Nearly a year ago, here, third comment.

As if you doubted my geek credentials. The very thought....

Look out, lock your doors, tie up your pets, it’s……….

…….The Thieving Gypsy Bastards.

This grainy image (click to enlarge), taken at a distance as quite frankly, I didn’t want to get any closer, is of a field approximately 2 miles from my house. If it was a newly opened sewage farm, I would accept that waste needs to be treated somewhere. If it was a institution built to accommodate paedophiles, then I would be happy they were locked up somewhere securely. If it was a rendering plant for badger carcasses then I’m sure I’d learn to live with the smell.

 

But worse than all that, the Fucking Thieving Gypsy Bastards have moved in. I saw them last week as I passed, just 3 or 4 vans drawing into the field, which has been earmarked for new houses and even has “Patrolled by Security, Keep Out” signs all round it. But now there are at least 20 caravans and their associated scummy occupants making a fucking mess of the field.

 

The field is at the corner of 2 really busy roads between the 2 villages of Holytown and Newarthill. It’s not like they’re hiding themselves in some wee backwater, the M8 Junction 7 sliproad is about 200 yards up the road to the left. In fact, here’s a map.

Now, there’s an old saying, “There are only two certainties in life. Death, and taxes. But death doesn’t get worse with every passing year. Thankfully though, it’s only you and me dear reader that has to worry about the taxes, as poor old Gypo doesn’t pay Council Tax, inheritance tax, VAT, or income tax.

 

“Income tax?” I hear you say, “but surely they can’t be in employment if they’re travelling?”

Oh yes, only last week I had them at my door offering gutter cleaning services, and this is a new one, UPVC window frame, soffit, and double glazed panel replacement. I’ve also heard anecdotal evidence of shoddy driveways and roof repairs. So, of course, they’ll be paying income tax on that work, and cutting back on their benefit claims. Will they bollocks!

 

I also don’t buy all this new age bullshit about them not being Gypsies, “they are travelling people, and deserve our respect” total shite. They are unwanted, thieving, dishonest, trampy, malingering leaches on our society. If they want to live outside the system and not have a permanent address then they can move to Afghanistan and live in the wilds. In this country we do things in a certain way, and being a Thieving Gypsy Bastard is not one I accept as a decent way of life.

 

I feel a letter to the council coming on.

(Mg,Fe)7Si8O22(OH)2

Any idea what this is?

 

If I tell you it’s up there in the “made up names” echelon with such beauties as “Jizzinherfacetonite” and “Ramitinbawdeeptonite”, then you may get an idea where we’re going with this.

 

It is actually called Cummingtonite. Fact.

 

Every day is a day at school on Jaggy’s blog, one night in pub quiz you’ll thank me for this priceless nugget of information.

Seen one of these recently?

How outdated does the idea of renting a video seem now? Spotted in Pitlochry, obviously the internet hasn't reached here yet.

“Does a lot of work for charity, doesn’t like to talk about it.”

 

I’m unfortunately not in the position of Bill Gates who can give up his day job and go and save the planet with my telephone number of Billions of Dollars to back me up. I actually have to work for a living, well, I turn up and walk around with a piece of paper and occasionally fish around in the tool chest to look busy for 8 hours, but that’s beside the point.

 

To make me feel better about myself for not eradicating global killer diseases in my spare time, I occasionally ease my conscience by donating a small amount of my hard earned bucks to charity. Far be it from me to suggest the right and wrong charities to be handing over spondoolies to, I understand it’s a very personal choice for anyone who chooses to do so, and very often it’s guided by events that are out with your control.

 

So let me throw another choice in your general direction, it’s up to you if you choose to pick up the baton, nobody’s monitoring click through’s or anything.

 

Mrs Jaggy, aka, my wife Fiona, her cousin Linda, and her team from work, are doing a sponsored Midnight 13 mile walk in aid of St Andrews Hospice in Airdrie. Fiona and Linda’s Gran was expertly looked after there in the final weeks of her life a couple of years ago and they feel they’d like to give a little support back.

 

The walkers, numbering in their hundreds are leaving from Hamilton on Saturday night and walking from there to the far end of Uddingston and back, with only a banana and their iPod full of Take That for sustenance.

 

So if you feel you can spare some cash, then Fiona, Linda, all Fiona’s team from work, and most of all St Andrews Hospice, would very much appreciate it.